Tears, drama and urgent toilet stops

Sunday week ago was scheduled for a long run, and we decided to do the run at a weekly runners’ event. It’s a great venue, there is water on the course, lots of people running and the atmosphere is great.

We had planned to run 14km and the event suited as it was multi-distances, 15km being one of them. We had the option of walking the last 1km or just running that bit extra, see how we felt.

All week I had been working up to this run. I hadn’t run that distance before, and having found the 12km quite hard, the extra 2km was looming large in my head. I was really questioning myself whether I was ready for the distance and whether I would be able to do it, and by the time I got to the course, was pretty psyched up about it.

Anyway, we set off. I was running with 2 great buddies whom I run with a lot. They are faster than I am, so thought I would probably lose them at some stage, but started off with them, chatting, happy to be there. Our long run is not meant to be fast, so a nice and easy run is what was planned.

I can’t remember exactly when I started to fall behind the girls. Perhaps 7 – 8 kms into the run. They kept slowing down for me to catch up and urging me on, but I just couldn’t find the legs to keep up. Eventually I persuaded them to go ahead, not to feel like they were dropping me, and I would see them at the finish.

I got to the 10km mark and felt completely done. I was tired, teary and thought to myself that running another 5km was completely beyond me. There were a couple of fellow runners standing cheering on the side having already finished their distance, and I called out to them that I didn’t think I could do this. I had such a feeling of panic. I had absolutely no idea what to do next, but my legs kept running. One of the ladies ran with me for a bit encouraging me forward, then another joined, not even sure where she came from, and started to talk me through. By this time I was having a full on panic attack, my breathing turned asthmatic, which made me panic even more. She got me to stop running and walk and calmed me down somewhat, and then we got running again. I suddenly had this urgent need to find a toilet, told her that I would run into the rowing sheds just ahead, find a toilet and keep going, and I would be ok if she wanted to turn back now.

This was quite amusing looking back. A very tall rower was outside the shed washing his boat, and I asked whether I could please use his loo. He took one look at me, called out to follow him and sprinted away on his long legs, whilst telling me he knew all about runners tummy. All I could think of was how I was going to keep up with him.

After the enforced rest, I got going again. I was running. Slowly. Kept bursting into tears, no idea why, just tears. The girls I had started with whom knew nothing about all the drama ran past me on their way to the finish line, and called out whether I wanted to turn around there and run home with them. I wasn’t really thinking straight. Just kept going thinking I have to finish this thing. About 1km from the end, another runner had walked down the course to find me, and started running with me just chatting. More tears. Got to the 500m to go, there is a small hill, and there was a small mob of people waiting for me all of whom ran up the hill with me to the finish line, which had me truly in tears.

So much drama. When it was all done, I felt a bit embarrassed. This was just a run. It shouldn’t take a small army to get me to 15km mark. I started to wonder how I would ever do a half marathon, never mind my dream of a full one. Perhaps that’s all it was going to be. Just a dream. It was a bit shattering to contemplate that I might need to give it up.

I finally got home, and sat down with my Garmin app to work out what I had done, and where things had gone so wrong. The week before, I had run a 10km event and had run a PB by 2 mins which was such a happy thing. The morning of the drama, my 10km time was 22 seconds off my PB so basically I had run my best time for 10km. No wonder another 5km seemed out of reach. That made me feel a ton better. The other overriding emotion out of the morning was the gratitude I felt towards my fellow runners. The people who run are simply wonderful humans. They are truly kind and generous souls who are so encouraging of others.

To end this drama day on a positive note, this Sunday I set off for 14km. Head phones in, music playing, lovely morning, apart from my Garmin dying 800m from the end as I forgot to charge it, I ran the distance at a much better pace. It wasn’t comfortable the whole way, but there were no tears, no drama, no army of people required or a toilet for that matter. It’s done and dusted and roll on 16km next distance.