Tears, drama and urgent toilet stops

Sunday week ago was scheduled for a long run, and we decided to do the run at a weekly runners’ event. It’s a great venue, there is water on the course, lots of people running and the atmosphere is great.

We had planned to run 14km and the event suited as it was multi-distances, 15km being one of them. We had the option of walking the last 1km or just running that bit extra, see how we felt.

All week I had been working up to this run. I hadn’t run that distance before, and having found the 12km quite hard, the extra 2km was looming large in my head. I was really questioning myself whether I was ready for the distance and whether I would be able to do it, and by the time I got to the course, was pretty psyched up about it.

Anyway, we set off. I was running with 2 great buddies whom I run with a lot. They are faster than I am, so thought I would probably lose them at some stage, but started off with them, chatting, happy to be there. Our long run is not meant to be fast, so a nice and easy run is what was planned.

I can’t remember exactly when I started to fall behind the girls. Perhaps 7 – 8 kms into the run. They kept slowing down for me to catch up and urging me on, but I just couldn’t find the legs to keep up. Eventually I persuaded them to go ahead, not to feel like they were dropping me, and I would see them at the finish.

I got to the 10km mark and felt completely done. I was tired, teary and thought to myself that running another 5km was completely beyond me. There were a couple of fellow runners standing cheering on the side having already finished their distance, and I called out to them that I didn’t think I could do this. I had such a feeling of panic. I had absolutely no idea what to do next, but my legs kept running. One of the ladies ran with me for a bit encouraging me forward, then another joined, not even sure where she came from, and started to talk me through. By this time I was having a full on panic attack, my breathing turned asthmatic, which made me panic even more. She got me to stop running and walk and calmed me down somewhat, and then we got running again. I suddenly had this urgent need to find a toilet, told her that I would run into the rowing sheds just ahead, find a toilet and keep going, and I would be ok if she wanted to turn back now.

This was quite amusing looking back. A very tall rower was outside the shed washing his boat, and I asked whether I could please use his loo. He took one look at me, called out to follow him and sprinted away on his long legs, whilst telling me he knew all about runners tummy. All I could think of was how I was going to keep up with him.

After the enforced rest, I got going again. I was running. Slowly. Kept bursting into tears, no idea why, just tears. The girls I had started with whom knew nothing about all the drama ran past me on their way to the finish line, and called out whether I wanted to turn around there and run home with them. I wasn’t really thinking straight. Just kept going thinking I have to finish this thing. About 1km from the end, another runner had walked down the course to find me, and started running with me just chatting. More tears. Got to the 500m to go, there is a small hill, and there was a small mob of people waiting for me all of whom ran up the hill with me to the finish line, which had me truly in tears.

So much drama. When it was all done, I felt a bit embarrassed. This was just a run. It shouldn’t take a small army to get me to 15km mark. I started to wonder how I would ever do a half marathon, never mind my dream of a full one. Perhaps that’s all it was going to be. Just a dream. It was a bit shattering to contemplate that I might need to give it up.

I finally got home, and sat down with my Garmin app to work out what I had done, and where things had gone so wrong. The week before, I had run a 10km event and had run a PB by 2 mins which was such a happy thing. The morning of the drama, my 10km time was 22 seconds off my PB so basically I had run my best time for 10km. No wonder another 5km seemed out of reach. That made me feel a ton better. The other overriding emotion out of the morning was the gratitude I felt towards my fellow runners. The people who run are simply wonderful humans. They are truly kind and generous souls who are so encouraging of others.

To end this drama day on a positive note, this Sunday I set off for 14km. Head phones in, music playing, lovely morning, apart from my Garmin dying 800m from the end as I forgot to charge it, I ran the distance at a much better pace. It wasn’t comfortable the whole way, but there were no tears, no drama, no army of people required or a toilet for that matter. It’s done and dusted and roll on 16km next distance.

On the verge of something big ….

I haven’t written for a while. I suppose life had taken on a certain rhythm and not too much was changing day to day. However looking back, a whole lot has changed. It’s just that the changes happened so gradually that it was almost unnoticed.

So what has changed.

The biggest one seems to be that running is becoming part of what I do and who I am. Running has become a real interest. The books I read, the documentaries and video clips I watch, the tweeters I follow and read, are all to do with running and learning and finding out what others do, where their struggles are, and what they do about it.

The other massive and gradual change has been to do with people, and in particular the ones I have met at ‘Intraining’ Running Club, and how other runners form a strong support group around you, and help make reality the dreams one has.  It’s extraordinary, this journey when I started, was to run a marathon, and maybe there were others like me around the world who could all join up and we could do it together.  I started a blog so we could connect across continents and maybe have some chats going, and try and help each other.  In my head we would all be about my age, about my body shape, about my pace and have more or less the same dream.  It never occurred to me that in my local running Club, (I didn’t even know about running Clubs) there would be a whole bunch of inspirational people, all ages and shapes and different running abilities, all fierce and determined, all of the mind set that we as a group are stronger and better than an individual would be by themselves. They pick up any newcomers to the Club, a bit like a school of fish.  Some are in the lead, some are behind, but it’s a group which moves together.

This sport of running is so surprising.  I am blown away by how little I knew about this world, and how much there is to learn and discover.  I am loving every bit of it, even the hard bits and there seem to be quite a few of those too.

Coming back to my headline, marathon school is officially starting this week, and I am super excited, nervous, quite scared, most of which is to do with worry about not being good enough, or fast enough for the new groups I will be meeting.  I will also be leaving my beginners group and our coaches and taking these early steps on my own again.  Now that I have found this bunch, it seems to be much harder to make a change, than when I first joined.  Its not all sole sailing though.  There are a whole group of them doing the same as I am.  It would appear we will be doing a speed session, a tempo session, and a long run session.  I will be able to tell you more about them once I find out exactly what these are.  But, already we are planning to do our second and third session as a group which will be super fun and comforting.

So the reality of running a marathon is taking shape. I can feel it, I can sense it. The dream of crossing that finish line is less cloudy and has more shape and definition.  The work that is required to get there is also clearer.  I feel so very lucky to be able to do this.

Happy running everyone where ever you are.  

Quotes for life, love and laughter…

I collect quotes. Almost every day, something, somewhere gives me an aha moment and I keep them for days when I may need them. Sometimes these quotes are inspirational, humorous, or they just let you know that you are not the only human feeling the way you do. It’s just a human condition. You are not alone in this, whatever it is.

So today, I wanted to share some of my favourites in the hope that some of them will strike a note with you too.

So here goes:—-

On the subject of life:-

 

   

On the subject of running or just taking action, these ones I love.  I came across a gentleman called Alistair Jones on Twitter who writes poetry.  His poems are witty,  encouraging, fun and always a delight.  He has kindly allowed me to include a couple here.

 

And then just for fun, these one always made me smile:-

Have a great week everyone.  Hope it’s a good one for you and yours.

Until soon.  Be happy.

 

My cup is running over

When you start something new, there is always an expectation, a planned route, or at least an understanding of the whys and wherefores and what you expect to gain or experience out of this new thing. Learning to run has been nothing like I thought it would be.

It is actually difficult to go back and work out exactly what I was thinking, except that the dream of running a long distance such as a marathon had appeal, and I was seriously looking for something to challenge me. Something new that I had never done before.

I knew on a logistics level, this would involve running, however had zero knowledge on that subject. Except that every human on this planet thinks they know about running. We all do it from time to time, catch a bus, run a little at school, do some at the gym. It’s that thing we do when we need to go a bit faster than a walking pace. We all know how that is. Except we don’t or at least I didn’t.

There is this foggy, smoky, misty period you go through when you take up running as a sport. You start and the first “in your face thing” that hits you is how hard it is. Your breathing becomes ragged really quickly (even though you are moving at a pace that wouldn’t challenge a tortoise), your body starts flopping all over the place, and there are suddenly lots of voices in your head at various levels of shrillness yelling at you to stop.

You start to really notice other runners for the very first time. You look at them in a whole new way wondering how on earth they seem to do it so easily. Then even more remarkable are those running along chatting whilst they are running. Flying to Jupiter having designed one’s own space ship, seems to be more probable that running along chatting to someone.

I don’t know what keeps you going at this point. Maybe it’s that big dream you had and you’re at the start of something and you want to give it a go. Maybe it’s optimism that it will get better and easier. Maybe it’s just foolishness and stubbornness, but whatever it is, you need a bit of it, because it takes time and progress appears slow.

As I mentioned in previous blogs, apart from family and friends,  there are two big influencers who have helped me more than they will ever know. The first are the wonderful people I have met on twitter. I thought I would start to tweet, and look for other runners and gain some knowledge and inspiration. What I found was this very supportive and inclusive community, full of advice, goodwill, humour and a celebration of everyone’s success no matter how slow or tiny the distance. They inspire me every day. I love how they encourage, laugh and delight in each others endeavours.

The second has been ‘Intraining’, my running Club which I joined with some trepidation and embarrassment due to my lack of expertise. The coaches have been super supportive and encouraging, and my fellow runners are a great bunch of people, who it has been a joy to meet up with twice weekly for training, and am now running with at various parkruns where the support and comradeship continues.

I had absolutely no understanding that this new endeavour would lead me here.  I can share that my hazy period is clearing on occasions, and there are moments I get a feel for what I think I am heading towards. I simply love it and am so excited for what the future holds.

Have a great week everyone.  If you have some time, go for a run.   🙂

10km Done and dusted (very lightly dusted)

 

Coming over the last rise (I thought)

Hello all,
Its been a while since I posted. I do have another post half written, but wanted to get this one out before too much time passed.

One of the girls in my running group very casually suggested I might like to do a 10km run just for fun. I found myself signing up for the Bridge to Brisbane 10 km run. I was pretty cool with it until the day or so before and certainly the morning of. Suddenly I had all these doubts, what if I couldn’t run that distance, what if I failed, what was I thinking, a struggling 5km runner why did I think I could run 10km, and so on it went.

Thankfully at Intraining (Club running) the week before we had done a slow and steady run. I had managed to run and talk and feel somewhat comfortable, which in turn gave me some courage. If I could find that pace and that rhythm, perhaps I could run 10km.

The atmosphere was fantastic. I was number 19904 which meant there were a lot of runners on the course. They started us in waves which you nominated for when you signed up. There were the super fast elites, the fast runners, the fast kids, Corporate runners, joggers and walkers. I popped myself into the jogger group which is where I firmly belonged.

Off we went and in the beginning there were a ton of people trying to jockey for position and sort themselves out. Some people sprinted out, others walked out, and some like me shuffled out which I had been advised to do.
After about 1km we all seemed to have our space and everyone was doing their thing. I found myself starting to enjoy the experience. The city was beautiful and we were running through it, over bridges, across the river, down the side of the river, back across the river, and all on roads which you would normally drive on which was super cool.

There were buskers placed strategically along the road at intervals, all of whom were trying their hardest at keeping everyone going and happy and providing a bit of a beat. They were wonderful. At one stage we ran though a small tunnel, and inside the tunnel was a grand piano and 3 Opera Singers whose sound filled the tunnel.  I will never forget it. It was super wonderful and I loved it. The crowd was cheering whilst running.

And so with lots of runners to look at, music changing, great scenery, time seemed to be passing along well. At one of the drink stations I finally took a drink of water, which ended badly. I suddenly needed a toilet right there and then and felt quite panicked. My stomach was in knots and I was wondering how long I could go on for, when miraculously around the corner appeared a row of port-a-loos placed exactly where I needed them. 2 minutes later emerged a whole new person.

The last bridge was a challenge. It has a very long and steep rise up to the crest and I talked myself into it by saying that after this rise, I would be going down hill or flat, so just suck it up, its your last effort.  I did it, went down the hill, round the corner and saw another hill I had completely forgotten about. It almost did me in. I started to walk, about 30 strides, then talked myself into going again as I was fairly close to the end. Made it up the hill, around the corner, and there was the finish line with my husband cheering madly.

And so I ran across the finish line. Initially I felt absolutely nothing. Needed water most of all. But then emotion came flooding in. I truly felt euphoric. Loved the world and everyone in it, and was just so incredibly happy.   I would highly recommend taking up running just for that feeling.  It was very, very good.

My official time was 1:20:34 less the toilet stop was around the 1:18 mark.  I had no real expectations on time.  Just wanted to finish it.

Back to reality, I did Park run this morning, filled with confidence and bravado.  This 5km was going to be a walk in the park, after all I could now run 10km.  How wrong can one be.  I went too hard, couldn’t sustain it, needed to walk some of it, and finished around the same time as 2 weeks ago –  36:34.

We live and learn.

Have an awesome week.  Hope you’re all doing well and having fun out there.

Until next time.